Transcript for Laci Green’s video, “Escaping the FRIENDZONE!”, Uploaded by lacigreen to youtube.com on Sep 18, 2010
Laci Green, lying on her stomach, chin in her hands: Thanks so much for listening to me. You’re … like a brother to me.
Cut to Laci sitting up: WHAT? A brother? [exasperated sigh] The friendzone.
Laci: Today, I’m going to be speaking from personal experience about how you got into the friendzone and how to get out.
Laci: The friendzone is a dark, lonely corner of human relationships where romantic potential comes to die.
[The words, “In light of my own experience, I will be referring to this phenomenon in terms of male to female. However, this video can be applied to any couple!” appear at the bottom of the screen, next to a lightbulb.]
Laci: You know you’ve been friendzoned when the person you’re interested in won’t consider any sort of sexual or romantic relationship. Nope! You’re just. Friends. Ye-he-hey [Laci makes a gun out of her fingers and thumb and pretends to put it to her temple.]
Screen reads: “HOW TO: Avoid the friendzone”
Laci: Here are some attributes that I’ve notice occur in all the males in my life that I know that get friendzoned by women.
[The words, “1. Tell her a lot about him/herself” appear in the top left corner.]
Laci: They tell her a lot about themselves right away.
[The words, “2. Lots of time & emotional support” appear in the top left corner.]
Laci: They’re like her personal therapist and they always have time for her and her problems.
[The words, “3. Not sexual or flirtatious” appear in the top left corner.]
Laci: They don’t make sexual advances or innuendos toward her or flirt very much.
[The words, “4. Clingy” appear in the top left corner.]
Laci: And they also are a little bit clingy.
[The words, “5. Overtly awkward and/or inexperienced” appear in the top left corner.]
Laci: They may also be awkward around her friends and be overt about their lack of sex or relationship experience.
[The words, “6. Not attractive to her” appear in the top left corner.]
Laci: And they also might not be physically attractive to her.
Laci: Alright, now let’s talk about what makes a good partner.
[The words, “1. More ‘mysterious’” appear in the top right corner.]
Laci: One, a partner will let on to a few things about themsleves instead of flooding her with information. At first, it takes her a while to get to know him, and a degree of mystery is maintained.
[The words, “2. Doesn’t volunteer themself emotionally” appear in the top right corner.]
Laci: Two, he doesn’t offer to lend an ear to listen unless she explicitly asks.
[The words, “3. Subtle acknowledgement of interest” appear in the top right corner.]
Laci: Three, he makes it very clear that he’s interested in her inadvertently. This is the pivotal point. Don’t tell her outright that you’re interested in her. Leave subtle hints, flirt, et cetera. The goal is to make sure she doesn’t think you’re dying to be with her. Play it cool, and let her chase you.
[The words, “4. MILDLY unavailable ;)” appear in the top right corner.]
Laci: Four, make yourself MILDLY unavailable.
[The words, “5. Isn’t clingy” appear in the top right corner.]
Laci: Five is a big one. Don’t text her and IM her and facebook her and blah blah blah every single day.
[The words, “ProTip: Adjust to your needs and comfort!” appear at the bottom of the screen next to a yellow, caution triangular sign with an exclamation point on it.]
Laci: Limit it to a couple of times a week.
Screen reads: “How to get out”
Laci: BUT LACI, I’VE ALREADY BEEN FRIENDZONED! [beep] my life!
Laci: Oooh, shit. Sooo, escaping the friendzone is kind of like solving world hunger. Except harder.
Laci: I’m not gonna lie, I only know one guy in my life to manage to escape it. So, what did he do? To get out of the friendzone, you have to erase your present standing with her and start over with a clean slate using the strategies that I talked to you about before.
[The words, “Clean slate means no to low contact for several months (or longer)” appear at the bottom of the screen, next to a lightbulb.]
Laci: It’s the only way I know of and merely changing your attitude after she’s already decided how to see you doesn’t really do anything. That’s kind of why the friendzone makes so many people an hero. [Makes the gun to her temple with her fingers and thumb again.]
Screen reads: You got her/him. Now what?
Laci: So, once you finally get the girl, gradually fade off of these distant practises. They don’t make for a healthy long-term relationship, and the irony is that a lot of women will dump you if you continue to act how you did when you courted her. I don’t get women. Whatever. As you become emotionally closer, it’s okay to be a personal therapist, it’s okay to talk to her all the time, it’s okay to make her dinner when she’s upset and bring her flowers.
Laci: OH GOODIE!
Laci: Alright, as a friend, or a big sister, or some random chick on the Internet, that’s the best that I can give you. These are things that I have told to other friends and they’ve worked for them and I really hope that it works for you. But, if it doesn’t, maybe check out the comments [points down], because I know y’all are going to leave your own strategies and stories and experiences to help each other out. Cos you’re awesome like that! Oh, yeah. I totally want to do you. All of you.